Talk everyday on the phone (with or without a set time, and no time limit on call). This can help build self-esteem for the sponsee by the simple act of doing what they say they are going to do. It also helps the sponsor and sponsee get to know each other better. And it helps the sponsee get in the habit of calling the sponsor to discuss problems. It can be hard to call your sponsor when things are going wrong, being in the habit of calling when things are good, can make it easier to call when things aren’t so good.
After talking every day for a few days, set up a time to meet for an hour. Try to meet every week for an hour to get through the steps, or try to get together for an hour when your schedule’s align, if every week doesn’t always work.
1st meeting
Exchange stories, be sure that you and your sponsee share the same powerlessness over compulsive shopping and spending. There may be other factors, but it can be hard to identify with each other if you do not at least share an addiction to compulsive shopping and spending. Discuss the chapter in the big book “The Doctors Opinion” or at least discuss the phenomenon of craving – that feeling of having to have more once you engage in shopping and / or spending.
2nd meeting
Cover steps 1, 2 and 3 short versions found on page 59 of the book Alcoholics Anonymous*. Discuss step one and powerlessness – powerless over the craving to shop and spend more once I start, but also the powerlessness of my insanity to shop and spend after I’ve decided not to do it compulsively. I get any number of ideas as to why its okay to shop or spend again, like “it won’t get out of control this time” or “just this one time, this will never be on sale like this again” – crazy. and how unmanageable life is, not just financially, in general. Step 2 is coming to believe that there is a Higher Power (whatever we want to call it, however we want to think of it, as long as it isn’t us – greater than ourselves) and that this Power can keep us from acting on those crazy, insane thoughts that we can handle selfish, self-serving shopping and spending. and step 3 is simply deciding to work the remaining steps. by working the rest of the steps as a way of life, I am turning my will and my life over to the care of God, as we understand Him. Step 3 is just deciding to do that.
Step 1 is generally described in the Doctor’s Opinion, pages: xxv-xxxii; Bill’s Story, pages 1-16; There Is A Solution, pages: 17-29; More About Alcoholism, pages: 30-43)
Step 2 is basically summed up in the chapter We Agnostics pages 44-57
Step 3 is mostly found in the part of the chapter How It Works pages 58-63
3rd meeting
Read page 62 to see that “selfishness – self-centeredness…” is the root of my problem – not compulsive shopping and spending. you may want to say the 3rd step prayer** together on page 63. begin the sponsee on step 4 read the instructions starting at the top of page 64 through page 71
Step 4 Instructions are in the Chapter How It Works pages 64-71
4th meeting
(May be broken into several sessions): read instructions for step 5, page 72 through page 75, and do sponsees 5th step, that is listen to sponsee read 4th step. be sure to ask sponsee to share “…every twist of character, every dark cranny of the past.” (p.75) these may be those skeletons in the closet, those items we had planned to take to our graves. share some of your that relate to the sponsees back. both sponsor and sponsee should be “…close-mouthed, [and] understanding…” (p.74). sponsor and sponsee may decide to do this over several 1 hour sessions, or one “long talk” (p.75). after completion ask the sponsee to follow the instructions on page 75 starting with “Returning home…” and ending with “…mortar without sand?” this is an hour of reflection and prayer when the first 5 steps are reviewed by the sponsee and they ask themselves if they have omitted anything up to this point.
Step 5 Instructions are in the Chapter Into Action pages 72-75
5th meeting
read steps 6 & 7 on page 76, 1st 2 paragraphs. steps 6 & 7 are not action steps, more like step 3 where we make a decision to turn our will and life over, only now we decide that God can have all of us, “…good and bad…” you may want to say the 7th step prayer together in the 2nd paragraph. read steps 8 & 9 on pages 76 through 84. start the sponsee on writing out those they have harmed, many of which may come from people on their 4th step inventory “We made it [8th step list] when we took inventory” (p. 76)
Step 6 Instructions page 76
Step 7 Instructions page 76
Step 8 & 9 Instructions pages 76-84
6th meeting
Have sponsee read 8th step list of all persons they have harmed – who and what harm. start sponsee on writing 9th step amends (9th Step guide Worksheet)
Step 8 & 9 Instructions pages 76-84
7th meeting
Have sponsee start reading written amends. give feedback when wording may be selfish, such as defending or blaming rather than “…disregard[ing] the other person involved entirely.” (p.67) be sure sponsee agrees with what is being said and isn’t saying things they don’t believe, such as “thank you for being such a great friend!” when they don’t really feel that way. sometimes they may just thank the person for taking the time to meet with them if nothing else. once amends are agreed on, sponsee should begin making amends. it may help to start with “low hanging fruit” such as amends to loving parents and family first. Though others have benefitted from doing the most challenging amends first, there is no best rule, the most important amends is “the next one!”
8th meeting
Read and discuss Step 10 pages 84 & 85. discuss having the sponsee call when they are disturbed. if the sponsor isn’t always available finding other members who understand working step 10 can be helpful. it can help to “…discuss them with someone immediately” (p.84) you may also benefit from joining this WhatsApp group to share step 10’s, though it is not exclusive to compulsive shoppers and spenders, but to members of any fellowship who have worked the first 10 steps out of the book Alcoholics Anonymous.
9th meeting
Read step 11 on pages 85-88. you may ask sponsee to email a nightly review.
(11th Step Nightly Review email template)
10th meeting
Read step 12 in the chapter “Working With Others” pages 89-103. Encourage sponsee to try to carry the big book DA message to other compulsive shoppers and spenders (by sponsoring them), and to practice these principles (steps) in all their affairs. it is helpful to listen to some big book talks and continue to study the big book every week in our Big Book DA meeting.
